- Two days before the Inauguration
Everything is still. I never understand why there isn’t a drumroll when the sun comes up particularly these days. I got rid of my gun. Well, that’s not completely true. I got rid of my ammo which seems the same. I think I’ll just sit and wait for the revolution. On my front porch legs askew drinking beer I’ll wait for them to walk up to my front door and say who the hell are you? I’ll tell them quite calmly that I’ve been trying to answer that question most of my life. It doesn’t matter where you live as there’s no security anywhere. Today it’s so quiet but I know it will be very noisy on Wednesday. I’ve found that’s generally true. Right before a major explosion there’s an unearthly quiet that itches into your skin. Even the dogs are restless. The big one sighs heavily every hour or so. Sometimes when you’re in a really bad situation you try to back out of it. I’ve had this feeling before. I’m thinking to myself no this isn’t what I wanted to have happen but it’s too late. I think it’s too late for this country to right itself and make everybody get along.Rich people are trying to get vaccinated before everybody else. Poor people don’t want to be vaccinated as they think it’s a trick. Maybe it is.
I never thought I would spend the end of my life sequestered but on the other hand maybe it’s a good practice for what comes afterwards.
Today I was watching an
insignificant film in which a
young girl traveling in Italy with her
Dad was swimming in a hotel
pool doing laps inside of the
20 foot bowl back and forth
and I started to
cry. Only in Italy do they have
hotel pools carved out of marble
lipped with travertine, lined with
Carrera, filled with the water of
Aquaducts and baptizing tears.
I saw my daughter at 12, a swimming
Black haired and glistening, and I
remember promising her we
would return with her
daughter to a pool in Italy
someday. I wonder if anything
I promised will come true…
- What I am reading
- This moment
The most important thing to do for me is to keep reminding myself that every breath I take is an exercise in staying alive. Don’t look to the future even if it’s just tomorrow. Don’t look at the past and all the shadows. Just keep breathing. If I need something to calm me down I think of my grandchildren. I am very grateful for them. I’ve had other periods like this in my life but they were from my own depression which caused me to feel that I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. The fact that this is caused by a worldwide pandemic is too mind boggling to even comprehend. So I focus instead on the books in my house that I have yet to read, and the people that I hear from that I love so much. That’s my work. I wish I could help you find yours.
- GARDEN by Juan age 11
Dark wood tree
New life growing