Though I always try to avoid it, on almost all holidays I feel lonely for some moments. I berate myself for not having family around me, I looks enviously at the other families gathered together and imagine how much fun they are having, I reflect on my past and remind myself why I have chosen to live as I do. All in all, by the end of the day I think I am about at the same place as most other human beings.
This week there was an article in the Times, an editorial actually, written by a man who was asking the question whether Sandra Bullock should be more upset by her husband’s infidelity or more excited about winning the Oscar? I found this piece ridiculous as there was nothing about it that made sense. Sandra Bullock deserved the Oscar and didn’t obviously deserve what Jesse did to her. To combine both events in an attempt to evaluate what was more meaningful in life was absurd. The author would never have asked the same question about a male public figure.
What interested me, however, were the quotes in the article from various surveys on happiness and what was meaningful in the long run to people in life. It seems that what we all know is basically true. People receive satisfaction in life from relationships that function in a loving way more that satisfaction achieved from accomplishment and accumulating wealth. This is what I have been writing about in previous blogs and I keep returning to this idea. It seems easier to have good relationships as one ages as it no longer matters if you win or lose in arguments. You can choose to overlook what someone says that may have hurt you by saying to yourself the other person meant no harm. If you basically believe your friends mean to send you love and not pain you have a happier life. If you are clearly aware of what others are available for in life then you work from an open place and not expectations.
I used to script my life so far forward I always missed what was going on in the present. Now I try to look out the window and see what’s happening in the garden almost on an hourly basis. something always changes. The trick is to look at the details of the red flower, the rhythm of the water in the fountain, the curl of yesterdays leaf on the pebble path, the cry of the seagull to his girl, the feel of the cold and damp glass on my nose makes it all seem real and very important.