My daughter asked me the other day why it was that when she is someplace really beautiful she feels lonely. I wasn’t sure how to answer that question as I agreed with her completely. I love nature and have found myself in a lot of incredible places but I often feel lonely iin these places. I am usually alone as I tend to wander off the beaten track when I have nothing to write about. I get up from my desk and look out the window, wonder if it is too early to swim or go to the gym, and then before I know it I am out the door. Sometimes I take Rosie and sometimes I know I am going to travel at light speed so I leave her under my bed where she will sleep happily for hours.I wander up trails I have no idea about. I drive down roads that have been calling out to me. I am an addict for a lovely sunset and it gets worse when there is a view attached to it. A sunrise can enchant me for hours.It’s hard to find enchantment in the world today. Most people are frightened about their lives, their jobs and their health. Enchantment is very important. I would like to be enchanted by a remarkable man and I believe that I will be some time soon.
Tonight is soft and gentle and Rosie and I are out at the beach where the noises of children playing in the lagoon filter in through the open windows.I am waiting for my friends to arrive for the evening. The day feels as if someone has stopped it. I am reminded of how I want to stop having expectations of people in my life: both new and old. For so many years I had a very critical internal voice who commented constantly on people in my life and what they did or said. It seems to me that I was never happy with any relationship but looked instead to what was missing rather than what was there. Sometimes we want companionship so much we seek it from the wrong people: people who are not capable of being a good companion . This doesn’t make them evil or mean just not really interested in connecting with another. When I go on my outings in nature I often see others in pairs. Some of these pairs are walking togther with the same gait, dressed in a similar style, enjoying the same connection in nature. I have to admit, I look at these pairs with envy on some days just as I am envious of the pelican pairs I see out here at the beach. What I love about big birds is their loyalty to one another. If one bird can’t fly another goes down to the ground with her and waits for recovery. They never wonder when the next flock will come along for them to join, they wait until their friend is better or not.
I hope I can cure this problem of mine in this lifetime as I feel so joyous when I have no expectations and just stay in the moment. I find this practice harder that learning a handstand. That took me a year. This will take me a lifetime.
Bird’s Eye View of Flight
In the middle of his life.
He became a bird..
Hooked by a whooping crane
One morning in the slow fog of northern Florida,
Swept south to the keys,
Swinging over marshes like a circus act,
Distended by humility and wind
He was carried by the large crane who ate
Only on rainy mornings, mashing down fish still alive.
He was home-schooled in observation,
Exhalation, and weather prediction in crowds.
Being suspended in flight
Is actually comforting, he found.
He floated, held under his arms by the feet of the kind crane,
Hooking around him like handcuffs with padding.
The crane only wanted company and to stretch out his legs.
The man had no control of anything.
There was music, loud and soft, in the beating of wings
And the whooshing of the inspirational air.
He slept through much of the trip.
It took a long time to be dropped off,
And suddenly he was on land, retired
In northern Florida.