notes from a dachshund…buy bonds?

I am worried about her as I think she’s losing it. You wouldn’t believe what’s next to her bed these days…”The wind in the Willows” for one thing!  Not that I object to stories about animals! I actually happen to love reading about Rat and Mole and those days of  “messing about in boats”. Just the picture of these animals in their cute little boats reminds me of the fun we had last week in Maine when we went in a really fast boat and my ears blew up on top of my head. I adore speed. I just can’t help myself! I am happiest when I am being speeded along in some sort of vehicle with , preferably , an enormous you know what!  An engine, you silly! Usually she find someone that has something along these lines and she doesn’t tell them she is bringing me along until we are actually on the vehicle and  then out I spring! I do this with such joy that no one can resist my gleaming teeth and glistening fur which their hands are  irresistibly drawn to. Then I get the place of honor and I sit high up on a dashboard(my fave) and watch the waves zoom past us and the other less powerful boats slowly falling behind. Sometimes I see things I shouldn’t. Once I saw the boat captain of a friend goose the wife of a guest. It looked like a goose that had already gotten the gander if you know what I mean. Now where does that expression come from, “goose”? Geese actually don’t usually sneak up behind you and poke you. Or maybe they do. I am just too low down to have had such an occurrence. I do remember that lakeside picnic where she was walking slowly about the lake with her dreamy expression on and a goose coming right up behind her and goosing her so hard she actually fell into the lake! I couldn’t help myself. I laughed hysterically! I know this is not a loyal thing to do but sometimes her antics are so entertaining that I can’t stop myself from doing this. Like for example, why in the world is she trying to befriend every toll taker on the highways of America? Every single time we pay a toll she has to extend the conversation with these people. Hell! Some of them are actually on our Christmas card list. You wouldn’t believe what she gets into just in a drive by….Pregnancies, abortions, divorces, alimony…Why the last time we paid a toll I had to listen to a story about bondage! Or maybe it was bonds! Now I wonder if bonds are like when I have a leash on? She was talking about buying bonds the other day with a friend as she said she needed income. I wonder how bonds would bring her income? Maybe because they would tie her up and prevent her from driving to Nordstroms? Well, let me tell you! That wouldn’t stop me! I am going to try to cheer her up as I don’t think bonds are a good idea. No one like anything tied up in the long run no matter what is incoming! The best thing is always meat! Lots of juicy steaks and plenty of luscious hamburger (the real kind!) and a freezer full of bones. Now that’s real living and don’t you forget it!

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