Social networking: The exhaustion of it all….
I had dinner with a new friend last night and we spoke of the necessity of social networking if one is living a single life. We both agreed that the process of keeping a calender filled required a lot of energy and devotion but, in the end, it was worth it. I find if I look at my week in scribbles of black and white and see I don’t have an open night, I feel satisfied and safe. I feel content as I know the end of each day will be filled with the presence of another person whose company I enjoy. If I were in relationship with someone I lived with perhaps I wouldn’t feel so lucky. I actually have no idea how to survive with another human being in close proximity. I know this is a character flaw. I really do long for the cosiness of a body here in my house on a regular basis, not counting the long haired warmth of Rosie, that is. I can’t quite figure out why I am as old as I am and have not yet settled on someone with whom to share the remainder of my days. I am a romantic so I believe it will happen as long as I keep on believing it will happen.I greet each day with joy and peace and a longing for someone to shout out to and discuss the news over coffee. Then I imagine what this would actually be like and realize I have been alone for so long that maybe I wouldn’t like another body right there in the room with me. Maybe I am just fooling myself. Many of my friends have to make breakfast and dinner for their husbands on a daily basis. This seems really tiresome to me. I don’t like doing anything on a regular basis except sleep. I think I have always been this way. In my town I get excited seeing all the restaurants I haven’t been to: I don’t really like going back to the same ones as though they are wonderful, they lack the excitement of unexplored territory. I love unexplored territory and the darkness and light of it.
It is hot here today: so hot that my dog isn’t tempted to chase the lizard that slowly crosses the deck. If I were sailing I would watch the sail with a vulture’s eye hoping for a movement. Time goes more slowly in the heat and it makes me want to smoke and sit and think…I haven’t finished reading the paper or cleaning up my small place and maybe I won’t.Maybe I will meditate on how to have a personality transplant or maybe on the beauty of the moment. It is a toss up at this point.