notes from a dachshund: BOYS CAN’T READ THIS!
No one realizes how life is much simpler when you live close to the ground. I see things that rarely cross the eyes of humans and I know I am superior. I have known this for a while, actually.Despite the fact that my beauty surpasses most human women, I am a humble sort of girl and I can’t believe how stupid the average male human can be.They are still in the Neanderthal incantation that is for certain. The other night I had to lie through an entire evening listening to a woman friend of you know who talk about her guy. She couldn’t understand why he hadn’t followed her out of the restaurant when they had a fight. She drove back to her house and he never even called her! He told her the next day he thought she would come over to his house. Now that is just plain old silly. Of course a girl doesn’t just go to a guy’s house after she has walked out on him. The guy is supposed to follow her and say how much he loves her. When will guys get it right? They could have the most simple of lives but they just keep on screwing up!Girls just want to be told they are pretty and have their stomachs rubbed in a continual pattern.When girls turn and walk away they want to have their tails chased! What do human males do? They sit and eat their food! Ridiculous, really! If human males just chased the woman they loved and then caught them and then told them how lovely they were and then scratched their bellies, they would get everything they wanted. When a human girl says she is sick of ” the relationship” she doesn’t mean it! What she means is that she wants more attention. It is that simple. Human men have no idea how easy it would be to have everything they want in a companion. All it would take would be a small chase and then a few licks!Today you know who went to the farmers market in Marin where she met a man she hadn’t seen for 20 years. He said,” There is the stunningly beautiful Lucinda!” and you wouldn’t believe the effect it had on her. She gave me four pieces of turkey jerky on the drive home and kept smiling in this funny way and looking at herself in the mirror at every stop sign and once during fast traffic on the freeway much to my chagrin! I swear I am sick of this. Why don’t people listen to me? Everyone wants the same thing. Food, sex and laughter. From my perspective I know what to do to get this though the sex portion of my life was violently removed some years ago without any informed consent from me! That’s one of the problems of being shaped like a wiener dog and having long red hair. Frankly(get it?) I don’t really care about the sex part anymore as I am a mature person who understands what is important in life though I see this isn’t the case for humans. Humans long for touch and that is a sad problem as they don’t see themselves as dogs. If they did they would get belly scratches whenever they liked.