happy new year

actually that phrase isn’t what I mean…joyous new year would be more appropriate. We have been living with so much anxiety even our daily family lives are not serene. Everyone is waiting for someone to decide we are safe once again in our world.Spending money seems very risky and trusting our financial system even riskier. I feel stuck in my life and have felt stuck for almost a year. Perhaps it is because I don’t know where to live and have no sense of which way to move: east or west. When I make decisions about my life I make them internally without any conscious thought. Some people make decisions rationally by making lists of positive versus negative and then tally the columns. Were I to do this it would be a waste of time as no matter what the columns added up to I would just do whatever I had instinctively felt all along. The frightening thing about this time period is that I have lost faith in my own instinct along with many others in the world.What we might have known and believed in a year ago seems irrational, false, shaky or just plain unclear. I am meditating on fiinding my own instinct again and following it. I feel more hopeful these days that I will make a good decision and find joy and peace within it. Sometimes a little forward motion gets the car in gear.

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