An Evening at the CineBistro in Vail

Gore Creek Drive, Vail, CO

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An Evening at the Cinebistro in Vail….

So my friends and I decide to go to the movies in Vail where it has been so cold one doesn’t want to venture outside. We choose a movie we think will be entertaining and are excited to be going to a place where they serve dinner while you watch the movie.

After being shown to our very plush seats we discuss how exciting it is to be in these large and comfy black leather seats drinking a glass of wine and eating popcorn from an enormous bowl. We all comment on how wonderful this experience is and then we ponder the possibility of its business success. This mini math minute is solved once we see the bill for the movie, the wine, the popcorn and the water, but I still thought it was a fun deal to be sitting there as if you were in your own screening room.

The movie, “The Mechanic” was incredibly violent and bloody and the three of us spent much of the film with our eyes closed. People were killed for no apparent reason and the star of the film was so lacking in empathetic quality one couldn’t identify or root for any hero or heroine as there was none. All in all it was a high testosterone film with little to admire or engage with.

Next to our little group in the same row were three “Master of the Universe” men who were all in the late 50’s, early 60’s, well dressed and attractive: clearly a man’s night out in Vail. They ordered large, fat hamburgers and cokes. Not a drink among them.

During the film a couple  arrived and sat in the front row where they began a conversation that consisted of loud giggling on the part of the woman and loud voiced remarks from her date. They ordered many drinks which the waiter brought to them despite the theater policy of no drinks after the show began. Their conversation became louder and more suggestive but the film was so loud I forgot about them. Apparently the three “masters of the Universe” did not.

When the film ended they pushed past us to exit the row and almost ran down the stairs to confront the couple. One man shoved the small, rather drunk man, saying “What do you think you were doing? You are asking for it. You want it? Come on, you want it? “

His friends joined in, shoving the drunk guy and pushing him to the ground. Others in the theater tried to intervene but the Masters were having none of it.  The drunken guy just kept laughing. One of the master’s, the same guy I think, started in on the woman saying, “Where’s that slut that was with you?”

At this point I felt as if I was back in the film but I couldn’t leave the theater. Within one minute there was a violent fight going on in front of my nose and blocking the exit. Men who tried to intervene were shoved aside and the drunk guy was repeated shoved to the floor while the Master’s said, “Want more, oh yeah, you little creep, want some more?”

Finally we slipped by the fight scene and left the theater but not before asking the front desk woman to call 911. She responded that she couldn’t leave her post.

When we got home we all breathed a sigh of relief and none of us felt good. These men were out of control and beating up a much smaller and much drunker guy who only crime was alcohol abuse and silliness. Why did they do this, we wondered? They hadn’t been drinking which made their behavior even scarier. Why were they so angry and why did they cause a major scene in front of others, frightening all of us? They were clearly well off, attractive and successful guys so why did they get so out of control so quickly and indulge in behavior that was so wrong on so many levels?

Was it the combination of the film violence and the lack of empathy, perhaps the fact that the only woman in the film was a prostitute, or is this possibility for explosion lurking underneath all the high testosterone males today? A remnant from the cave man fighting for territory days.

I have no answer. All that I can say is that it was terrifying.

Saturday Thoughts on Bullying

An electrician hooking up a generator to a hom...

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Saturday Thoughts on Bullying

Sometimes men speak very loudly when dealing with me and when they do this it hurts my ears .I see and hear men doing this to other women as well from time to time. The other day I was at my new house where I am interviewing men to work there. I would have liked to hire only women but it seems there are only male electricians and plumbers which are what I need. I do have a female architect who I like very much as well as a great designer but that’s about it in terms of people who will restore my lovely house.

Actually it doesn’t need much restoration as the lady who lived there was as in love with her house as I am now. It does not have wiring and plumbing and heating that match this century, however, and I need those things. I am a big fan of electricity, heat and hot water. There’s nothing I like better than a nice hot bath, a good book, a glass of wine, and central heating. Well, maybe popcorn.

Anyway the other day I interviewed another electrician and he was a very loud talker. He fired off technical questions as if we were on a quiz show and I was a contestant. AMP’s, BTU’S and CAT 5 were flying all over the place. I felt refreshed and stimulated by this interrogation as I batted the terms right back at him and stared him straight in the eye. Wow! It was fun! Though he was much larger than me in every way I felt as if I were just his size and that we were very well matched. St the time I didn’t really take notice of how much fun this interaction was but in reflection I see I enjoyed it as I wasn’t being bullied. I might have been had I not responded as I did but I didn’t take that road.

Probably this guy had bad experiences working with women who didn’t have a general contractor working with them. Maybe it took too long for him to explain things and this frustrated him or maybe he simply was a bully or maybe he is just kindove gruff. It really doesn’t matter. What mattered to me was how much I enjoyed not allowing myself to be bullied and how it wasn’t even an issue.

So I have learned something, I think. Some of the time, anyway, we allow men to bully us and it really isn’t helpful to the man or to us for this to happen. I went to a conference on abused women and the focus was on how to help the men who did this. I went, initially, because a friend of mine was working on this cause and invited me. I was prepared to be disgusted and unsympathetic but left with more understanding of why this happens.

I still think the men who do this should be locked up for a long time but now I have a little more of a perspective on the dynamic of it all. I liked feeling as big as that man and at the end of our interchange I know we respected each other. I hope his bid comes in a good range as I would like to hire him. I found that learning how to be strong verbally is almost as good as learning to shoot was.

Life gets better as I get older. Others worry about aging and losing power and being alone. I share those worries at times. It is a strange time to be alive. Everything is changing yet so much is the same. Hope is in the air. The other day there was an article in the New York Times talking about how people are learning to solve problems and face the future by being inclusive in their communications. How wonderful is that? Arguing for the sake of winning seems a foolish exercise while discussing for the sake of a more agreeable and profitable outcome seems very sensible, indeed.