Memories of Grandfather

Image representing IBM as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

My Grandfather’s house in New York City was on east sixty Fourth Street between Fifth Avenue and Madison ,very close to Central Park as well as the finest shopping area of Manhattan. It was an important house for an important man who had an important family and an important life. The house was brick and had six stories with a tiny elevator containing a small red velvet bench and a Persian carpet. When the front door was opened by the butler one entered the vestibule, offered your back to the butler to have your coat removed, and entered the elevator. As there were six children in our family and the elevator was small, the ascent to the living room often took several trips. If neither of our parents were in the elevator with us, we sometimes refused to exit on the living room floor and rode up and down until someone stopped us. The most entertaining part of the ride was slamming open the heavy Iron Gate before the actual door could be opened. It made a very satisfying noise.

 My Grandfather never wore anything other than a three piece suit which he had made  at Henry Poole in London. When I visited Henry Poole with my husband, we looked in the ledger and found his name first written there in 1937 for a three piece white suit. I spent a long time reading the black, Spenserian writing which detailed the suit: size, alterations, pocket placement and payment detail. I felt as if I were deciphering someone I had missed knowing a lot about. Taking in the measure of his chest, the length of his inseam, and the width of his waist as well as the length of his arms and even the breadth of his wrists made me feel closer to him. Almost as if I were there inside his head as he stood patiently waiting for his suit to be fitted, gazing at his reflection in the mirror, turning this way and that, I wonder if he thought of how far he had come.

I imagine my Grandfather fist hearing of Henry Poole from, no doubt, a very successful and respectable associate who informed him there was simply no other place where a gentleman had his suits made. My Grandfather had himself painted in this very same white suit sitting in a red tinted chair with his legs crossed casually and his hands patiently quiet. All traces of the young man from a simple farm in Painted Post, New York, were gone and in his place was a sophisticated and urbane man of the world. A man who held himself to very high standards, a man who never let his guard down or allowed himself to make mistakes.

Once, while on a sales call early in his career, he had stopped his horse and carriage in front of a tavern for a celebratory drink and when he emerged his carriage and all his supplies had been stolen. My Grandfather never had another drink in his life and discouraged IBM employees from drinking. He was a fatalist who believed in signs and events that shaped his behavior in life. On another occasion he was waiting in line with his wife and children at a county fair for a ride in an airplane. One of his children asked for an ice cream and so they stepped out of line. The plane the family would have been on crashed and my Grandfather never flew on an airplane again despite the fact that he traveled all over the world for IBM.

People in those days believed in fate and in the stars and in things happening for a reason much more so than we do today. It is interesting to think of how many leaders in that generation were swayed by the words of mystics and magicians, charlatans and guru’s. For all their practicality and hard work, the words of a profit were often thought of as words to live by.

My Grandfather loomed large in my life as a child as he and my father were often at war with one another. The details of whatever war was being fought at the moment were unknown to us children but the drama was something we were used to.  We experienced many drives at high rates of speed up the Merit Parkway either north or south so my father could hold a meeting with his father. I don’t know why we were all herded into the car for these drives but we were. If it were summertime we really didn’t mind as my Grandparents had an enormous swimming pool with a very tall hurricane fence around it in the middle of their yard. As I recall there was even a slide into the pool and my sisters and I were allowed to swim alone: something that would never happen in today’s world. We spent hours in that old, clay colored pool diving and splashing and jumping into and out of the pool for an entire afternoon.

Voices could be heard from the pool bouncing off the great, long, covered front porch shrouded in huge boulders which held up the pillars on each end. My father and his father yelled at each other for long periods of time and we learned to ignore these yells preferring to focus on our own world of adventure and play. Sometimes my Grandfather would decide to have a lesson in one thing or another and would set up the lesson indoors so his audience (mostly us kids) would be captive. These times were more difficult to handle as there was no escape from the dull monotony of facts and figures and seemingly endless talk about one thing or another. It was very important for my Grandfather to be known as a learned man and he worked hard at this always believing himself to be lacking as he had little formal education.

What I remember most about him were his hands: gnarled  and veined and having rather long but thick fingers which he often kept folded in his lap. He always looked for children to be with him and if a grandchild was not available he would go to a neighbor’s house and ask if their child wanted to go on an outing. He was at his best when acting as a mentor and loved nothing more than being with a small child while teaching them one thing or another. Once he took me with my Grandmother to FAO Schwarz and told me I could have anything I wanted in the whole store. I remember that trip, of course, but I remember more the sad but sweet feeling I felt around him of loneliness and self enforced solitude which always set him apart from the rest of the world.

He was iconic to all of us kids but also kind. Perhaps others didn’t see this side of him but I would guess most of the grandkids did. My mother remembered vividly when her first child died of crib death that it was my Grandfather who came into the restaurant where she was having lunch with a friend to bring her home. He gently held her hand in the car on the way back to the house where the baby lay dead and stayed by her side while arrangements were made for his burialn  in the cemetery at Tarrytown, New York, where my Grandfather had purchased a plot. The baby is buried right under my Grandfather’s grave. There are no other Watsons buried there unlike the expectation.

When my mother became pregnant again my Grandfather had her meet him in the fur department of Saks Fifth Avenue. There she was hugely pregnant, trying on mink coats. My grandfather and my mother giggled over what the saleslady might think of this elderly gentleman buying a mink coat for this hugely pregnant young woman. My mother loved this story and she loved my Grandfather as he understood her and wanted her to feel comfortable and safe. He gave her quite a lot of IBM stock and told her she needed to always believe she was an independent woman and could survive on her own. How he knew this I will never know but my mother adored him and I can see why.

This year it is the one hundredth anniversary of the founding of IBM and there is going to be a large celebration in Yorktown Heights, New York. I like to imagine my Grandfather looking down on what he created and quietly smiling to himself. I think he would have been proud of what IBM has evolved into as the roots of what he created are still very present in the company. Was he difficult, demanding, and autocratic? Probably. Was he compassionate, loving, sensitive, thoughtful and kind, to me he certainly was.

Homestead Happenings…

I spent the morning at the Homestead with Dawn and Neil and was given a tour of the place. I saw the one room schoolhouse where my Grandfather went to school located on the property. I imagined him walking there each day probably under the supervision of one of his older sisters holding leather strapped books and maybe a lunch pail. I can’t imagine him with hair. I wish I had been able to find a picture of him as a young man. The only ones I have see are when he was in his 70’s and one that showed a younger man probably about 30. Of course people in that day looked older than we do today and they never smiled in photographs. They stared solemnly at the camera as if they were afraid of moving one inch.

There was a picture of my Grandfather with Grandma Moses in the old schoolhouse and I remember that he owned a few of her paintings. I have always wondered  if he was a chauvinist as many men of that generation but have the feeling my Grandmother kept him on the straight and narrow. There is a story about how during the war IBM lacked enough factory employees and my Grandmother suggested hiring more women which they did. IBM also had some of the first female executives in the business world. Everything I saw made me want to know more about his childhood in this peaceful valley where he was raised.

Why, I wondered, did he decide at the end of his life to buy his childhood home and create this place where people might gather and enjoy the spiritual nature of life? He left specific covenants as to how it should be used and a generous amount of money to support it. I am grappling with the very strange idea that none of my family cared to visit after his death? Why is this? Why didn’t my father bring us here to show us the farm, the schoolhouse and what had been created?

I am going to think about why the death of my grandfather was a true death in that his memory was not perpetuated by his offspring. Some years ago I was driving around with my daughter in an attempt to entertain her as she had suffered a head injury and wasn’t supposed to do anything strenuous. We were on a highway driving rather aimlessly when I saw a sign for the Sleepy Hollow Cemetery and I remembered my grandparents were buried there.

We exited the freeway and drove to the cemetery parking in the small lot outside the caretaker’s cottage. The caretaker let us know we had only a half hour to see the graves as the place was closing for the day. He took us inside and looked up the correct plot in a thick, dusty book finally showing us on a map where my grandparents graves were located. Annabel and I got back into the car and with Annabel as the navigator we drove through flower beds, shade trees and many leaves still unable to find the right plot. The caretaker had noticed our lost path and came down to guide us correctly to the plot. He told us it was “right down the path from Carnegie.”

The plot was untidy with overgrown trees and a lot of weeds covering the stones. I asked him why it wasn’t in better shape and he replied the endowment had been for $10,000 in 1957 and that had almost run out. There was a lot of room for others to be buried there as my Grandfather was an optimist. His wife was buried about 6 inches lower than he and there was a small headstone for my baby brother. None of my grandparent’s children had chosen to be buried here. The plot seemed enormously sad to me .I imagined my grandparents choosing it and making sure their plot was equal if not grander than those around it. Believing they were creating a place for their family to come to and remember them. Believing they were creating a final resting place for a large clan. Imagine how they would feel should they be able to see what remained of their dream and how lonely a sight it was. What happened?

still packing for Painted Post

I am always surprised at how late the sun is these days. For some reason I am having a hard time sleeping and I toss and turn until about 3:30 AM at which point I go to sleep. When Rosie wakes me at 6:30 it seems way too soon to be getting out of bed as the sky is still dark and there are no bird sounds whatsoever.This morning was no exception. I feel like staying in bed and I wonder why I am even making the effort to drive to Painted Post. What sort of “Eureka!” moment am I hoping for? An explanation for my life, I think, and this is why I reach for a new watch to wear during my expedition. I carefully remove my very chic watch and strap on my Timex Expedition. I am smiling as I do this. Isn’t it great I have found this watch in my closet? It must be a sign I am doing the right thing.Signs are important in our family. My Grandfather took it as a sign he should never drink alcohol again after his horse and buggy with his samples in it was stolen  outside of a tavern where he was celebrating a sale. He took it as another sign he should never fly after the plane his family was going to fly in at a county fair crashed. They had decided at the last minute to get ice cream and had given up their turn. My grandparents always took ocean liners to Europe and my grandfather never flew again. My father had a lot of signs as well. Once when we were on a deserted island in Maine my father became convinced he had heard the voice of a woman calling out to him. He had all of us searching the island for the invisible voice in order to find the source. When no one was found he remained convinced it was something from another world. I think it was . There is a lot of psychic energy running through our group! I have often dreamed about events in future and not been surprised when they happen. sometimes I see information in my head as if I am watching a film when I work on a client.I am pretty much right on most of the time.

I think the Mormons are right to send their young  church members on a mission in the world. I should have been sent to Painter Post years ago. Maybe along the highway I would have seen a sign directing me to the right future. Maybe a farmer’s market in western New York state would have brought me a vision as to what I should be doing or knowing. It is interesting in life how most of us don’t get the chance to try anything new. Most of us have to go to work in the same job daily which we are grateful for particularly today. Most of us stay married to the same person and have children and grandchildren along the way. Life is like the concentric circles written about with patterns happening in lives that spread in the same pattern out into the world: ripples from a stone thrown into a still pond. My life has been about throwing stones into different ponds and creating new circles in each one. This isn’t good or bad, just the truth. Yesterday I was having lunch with a friend and I remarked that my life was pretty much ready for me to shape it again as I wouldn’t have grandchildren to enjoy for a few years and I was lucky enough to have the freedom to do whatever I wanted.

Some people think I am spoiled when they read something like this. I think I am spoiled in material resources, but I would protest I am not spoiled in my belief system.

In our family we learned early on we were supposed to sing for our supper and “leave every campsite better than we found it.” We also learned  that “It’s hard but it”s fair” and “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”.My father’s favorite book was “Cheaper by the Dozen” and he  believed that negotiating a better price for six children for almost anything was the highlight of his day. I read recently in the new book about my family my mother persuaded my father early on in their marriage practical jokes were not a good idea. This is not a true statement as I could recount many practical jokes my father enjoyed during our lives. His favorite holiday was Halloween as it meant he could resurrect an old bear costume that must have lived in mothballs in our attic for years. Even though we knew it was him under all that fur we always screamed in terror when he jumped out from behind a curtain in our breakfast room. Never content with just one jump. he would go back behind the curtain numerous times until he collapsed in laughter on the floor. I think we thought this behavior was somewhat strange but acceptable as it wasn’t unusual. My parent’s generation was always having costume parties and loved dressing up.Once my mother invented a game for her dinner party where she paired off each guest with someone they were not married to. She gave the couple a paper bag with some material, straight pins, and a pair of scissors, instructing them they had 30 minutes for the man to design a costume on the woman. Unfortunately the housekeeper quit the next morning as she had overheard one man saying to his partner she must remove her dress or her couldn’t be really creative.

Another friend of my parents had a baby party and all the guests arrived dressed as babies. They entered the house via a children’s slide which had been moved to the front door and drank martinis from baby bottles. By the end of the night I think the hosts wished for a group of babysitters to arrive and straighten things out. Anyway I think my parent’s generation had more fun that the generations since. I say lets revive these traditions and fill up our costume closets!

It’s only 8:27 here and I have to wait until 10:00 AM to leave on my trip as my camera is broken and I need one to document all of my adventure up north. And that reminds me…why in the world did my Dad love Charlie Chaplin so much? We saw every single film of his and many, many times over. My father loved films and had a closet turned into a film room which had a projection window made of glass enabling the projector to shine the film through the window while the audience couldn’t hear the rustle of the projector .We sat on the floor of our living room and watched these silent films for what seemed like hours. Sometimes we watched family films where my mother was always the star with her lovely face and glamorous gestures. My mother had been a model before she married my father and she had no money. She had three blind dates in her life and ended up marrying the third. The first two were with Jimmy Stewart and Jack Kennedy. She had a bit part in a film in Hollywood when she was 20  called “Vogues of 1938″ and my father destroyed the copy of the film after they married  as he was a jealous man! My mother loved to tell the story of her return from Hollywood where she had been paid $1000.00 in cash for her movie appearance. She jumped on her bed throwing all the cash around her and felt very rich and happy. The next day she came down with appendicitis and had to use the money for an operation. My mother had a great attitude in life  and seemed to enjoy herself no matter what was happening.

Time to finish packing .

Packing for Painted Post. IBM Selectric?

I wonder what to bring on my  great adventure so I think about what I have packed in the past when I wanted to find an answer. I never travel with a lot of stuff as when we were little we went  all over the world and we always kept track of our own stuff. Sometimes we were given stuff to carry home in addition to our own suitcase. Once when we were returning on a chartered bargain flight from Switzerland my Dad gave me a painting to carry through airports and find places for on our various flights. The painting was about 4 feet by 5 feet and very unwieldly for an eight year old. I remember how hard to was to hold and carry and how the stewardess helped me find a place to store it on the plane. The flight had to make several unscheduled stops as it was an old plane that kept breaking down. I think we were in Newfoundland for three days. I kept the painting in my room with my sisters. I remember one sister had a large cowbell to watch over and the other, an alpine horn. Alpine horns are very long horns but can be broken down into six foot segments.I don’t remember complaining or hearing anyone else complain.

Anyway back to Painted Post and what to pack. ..Evidently my grandfather was born in East Campbell and when he was old and becoming more nostalgic he purchased his old family farm and turned it into a retreat place for religious groups. I found it on the internet. Isn’t it interesting no one in my family seems to know about this place? It is as if the Watson family disappeared with the death of my father and this is because there is no legacy.There is no legacy because no one in my family believed there was anything to leave a legacy for in the first place. Both my grandfather and my father thought their lives would be forgotten in the blink of an eye as neither saw their imprint on the earth. I think they were busy running the company and their families and didn’t contemplate the future. I find this amazing but I suffer from the same belief. I remember being in high school and noticing all the clocks in the school were IBM clocks and thinking my father must have given them to the school It took me years to realize that the IBM cash registers in the supermarket in our hometown were not donated but standard in most stores across the county. Everyone in Greenwich was a company family to one extent or another and none of us felt we were in any way different. I think in todays’ world the difference is famous parents live a much bigger life in Greenwich than they used to and this appears to be true all over the world. Our parents believed that you kept a low profile and bought one pair of new shoes once a year. I won’t even begin to tell you about the size of my shoe closet now as a result of childhood deprivation!

I also think you want to leave a legacy if you have had a joyful life. As I mention previously in this blog, my father and grandfather did not experience this. I am packing a coffee maker as I think I will need a few cups of Starbucks to clear my head after I see the family farm. No doubt it will make me sad, but maybe it will make me happy. Maybe there will be a connection in my brain and a stirring in my heart. Maybe I will see a reason why hard work and obsession breed unhappiness and why sometimes, only sometimes, they do not.